“I don’t care.”  Those three words can fill a parent with dread and frustration when spoken by their seemingly unmotivated or underachieving pre-teen or teenager, especially when it relates to something as important as education.  In first of a two part series by James Lehman, MSW entitled “Motivation Underachievers Part I: When Your Child Says ‘I Don’t Care’” , Lehman says that the problem isn’t actually that the child is unmotivated, it is that the child is “motivated to resist, withdraw, and under-perform” instead of the alternative.  In essence, the child is motivated to do nothing, and he or she puts a lot of energy into doing just that: nothing.

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Reading is truly mandatory if children are to succeed, yet forcing children to read can make them hate it even more. Further, incentives backfire in the long run (unless the incentive is being able to purchase more books to read when they finish the ones they have!) Here are a few ways to keep reading fun if your children haven’t yet caught the Bookworm Bug.

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At our house we have two natural bookworms: my son and me. The week he learned to read, we could barely tear him away from a book at his cousin’s birthday party to join in the fun. Is it any surprise he ended up an English major?

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Close to half of all adults thrive on operating in a rather last-minute way, according to some studies. They do their best work when the pressure is on and find that too much schedule and routine not only robs life of excitement but actually can leave them feeling somewhat depressed or trapped. However, most children need the security of routine and certainty, and an adult’s last-minute ways may be disastrous once they become parents.

Read more on Tuesdays with Jane: What if you’re a disorganized parent?…

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had well-meaning people tell me, “Oh, your son’s stubbornness will serve him well someday!” as they watch him dig his feet in and stand firm for what he desires.   Although I can see how this may be the case, in those moments I just want the tools to get through the situation and to teach and direct my son to use his self-motivation for positive leadership as he grows.  I really don’t want to raise a child who doesn’t question things or who just gives up when challenged, but the power struggles that occur often between a spirited or strong-willed child and his or her parents can be a tremendous energy drain.  So what do parents of strong-willed children do to preserve these fabulous (honest, they are!) qualities while having their children follow direction and without “breaking their will?”

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