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Mothers Perspective

Helping your Teen Handle Rejection

Posted in General, Guest Mom, Mothers Perspective, Web Connections on June 2nd, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

Ah…the trials and tribulations of the teenage years.  As if it wasn’t difficult enough dealing with the transition from middle school to high school, learning to drive, hormones, and finding their own niche, teens today also have to learn to deal with possible rejection in various areas of their life: social, romantic, extracurricular, and academic.  In a recent article published in the March issue of FamilyCircle magazine, Ashlea Halpern discusses various rejections as well as gives parents tips they can use to help their teen.

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Does Your Child Cheat?

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective, Web Connections on May 18th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

Christine Carter, Ph.D., in her post “Raising Cheaters” , states that “we are raising a generation of cheaters.”  Children today are exposed to cheating on nearly a daily basis:  in sports, at school, and also in politics and business.  One study reported that more than 60% of students in 9th and 11th grades say that they cheat in school, and another stated 75-98% of today’s college students report that they cheat, up from 20% in the 1940s.  Why the increase in cheating, and why do children cheat in the first place?  For one thing, there are so many different ways to cheat than just the old standbys of copying somebody else’s work, obtaining test answers from a student who has already taken the test, or writing down information and peeking at it during a test.  In Christy Callahan’s article, “Is Your Child a Cheater?,”, she lists some of the newer technologically-driven ways to cheat, such as using hand-held devices such as cell phones, iPods, or calculators to store answers , and using the internet to find pre-written papers or to participate in chat rooms where answers are being shared.

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Raising Children who are Good Sports

Posted in General, Guest Mom, Mothers Perspective, Web Connections on May 10th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

With a seemingly steady decline in sportsmanship and rise in outrageous behavior in professional sports, it’s not surprising that there has also been an increase in poor sportsmanship (such as trash-talking and violence) in youth sports.   In some cases, this lack of sportsmanship has carried over to other non-sporting activities as well.  In addition, children are bombarded by media messages using a “winning is everything” or “win at all costs” philosophy that can contribute to the lack of respect for others during friendly competition or even in everyday interactions.  But, like it or not, competition is a part of life, and teaching children to compete with grace and respect is an important lesson – for both children and parents.

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Making Mistakes: How Getting Things Wrong Can Help Your Child

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective on April 27th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

When I was younger, I loathed making mistakes.  I always wanted to do everything perfectly, and fretted over the possibility of making what I would have called a “stupid” mistake on anything from school work, to sports, to social interactions.  It took me many years to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much I paid attention to details, no matter how hard I tried, mistakes are a part of life, and they’re bound to happen at some point.  It took me even longer to realize that mistakes are tremendous learning opportunities.  That’s not to say that I now fully embrace making mistakes to the point of being sloppy, but when I make a mistake, I don’t get worked up about it; instead, I try to find the learning in the error.

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How to Boost Your Teen’s Self-Esteem without Feeding Their Approval Addiction

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective on April 6th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – 1 Comment

Who doesn’t like being rewarded for their hard work?  From stickers on exemplary school papers to receiving money for good grades, that little extra incentive not only makes the work all worth it, but also motivates children and builds their self-esteem through positive reinforcement, right?   Unfortunately, this methodology may be wrong.  According to the blog post “Are Parents & Teachers Raising Teenagers to be Approval Junkies?” author Kelly Pfeiffer states that using methods like token economies and reward systems that became popular in the 1970s actually create teenagers and young adults who do not feel confident and secure, as intended, but rather who are approval junkies.  Pfeiffer refers to a couple of books to reinforce this stance.  In one example, Punished by Rewards (Houghton Mifflin, 1993) by Alfie Kohn, the author reviews many studies that showed using methods like reward systems and even verbal praise does not ensure a child continues to behave in the same manner in the long run.  Instead, these children’s self-esteem becomes based not on their own internal self-evaluation, but rather on the judgment of others.  Pfeiffer also refers to findings by a team at the University of Ohio and published online in the Journal of Personality.  In their studies, researchers found that the most desirable craving for young adults from the choices of sex, a favorite food, seeing a best friend, drinking alcohol, or getting a paycheck was one of those that gave a boost to the student’s self-image.  These studies suggest that approval can be addicting, just like drugs and alcohol.

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Which Extra-Curricular Activities are Best for Your Child?

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective on March 29th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

Although it’s still technically winter, I have been seeing flyers all over recently for the spring “crop” of extra-curricular activities: Little League, Scouts, soccer camps, and more.  Extra-curricular activities help mold children into the balanced, well-rounded adults that we all want to raise, but how do you choose which activities are best for your particular child?

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Barriers and Power Struggles from a Mothers Perspective

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective on March 20th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

“That’s what happens when you…”, “Be sure to…”, “Because I asked you to do it, that’s why…”.  These sentences have certainly been uttered to our children once or twice (okay, maybe more!) in our home.  They may sound quite harmless, and even may be the same sentences you remember hearing from your parents when you were a child, but using these types of words and phrases actually creates barriers and causes power struggles in your relationships, which obviously leads to less than desirable outcomes.  Putting up barriers or engaging in power struggles with your children not only creates distance instead of fostering closeness and trust, but can also cultivate feelings of hostility, worthlessness, and incapability.  So how can parents break these patterns of speech and start on better paths to more trusting, teaching, and open conversations?

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Ten Tips for Coping with an Angry Child

Posted in Guest Mom, Kidtelligent, Mothers Perspective on March 15th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – 1 Comment

If there’s one thing a child learns early on in life, it’s how to push his or her parents’ buttons.  Children seem to have an uncanny ability to say just the right thing when they’re angry to also get us riled up, often leaving us feeling out of control, exhausted, and defeated.   Anger can be a tricky emotion; thankfully, Carole Banks, MSW, gives some suggestions in her post “Angry Child Outbursts: The 10 Rules of Dealing with an Angry Child” to help us keep our cool and teach our children (and ourselves) how to deal with anger appropriately, including:

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Tackling Tattling

Posted in Guest Mom, Mothers Perspective on March 8th, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

“MOOOOOOMM!!!  Charlie keeps looking at me and I don’t want him to!”  “DAAAAAADD!!!!!  Joanna won’t play with me!”   As parents, we’re all familiar with the tone, the complaints, and the whine in the voice that may even cause some of you to cringe just by reading this post.  Although there have been times when I’ve appreciated my older son telling me that my younger son just dumped the entire bin of Legos in the laundry room as I was rounding the corner with an armful of laundry, for example, it is tiring hearing of every small complaint he has regarding his brother’s behavior.  Tattling is definitely one of those hot button items that can leave the whole family feeling frustrated.

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Motivating a Child Who Says “I Don’t Care”

Posted in Guest Mom, Mothers Perspective on February 23rd, 2012 by kidtelligent@gmail.com – Be the first to comment

“I don’t care.”  Those three words can fill a parent with dread and frustration when spoken by their seemingly unmotivated or underachieving pre-teen or teenager, especially when it relates to something as important as education.  In first of a two part series by James Lehman, MSW entitled “Motivation Underachievers Part I: When Your Child Says ‘I Don’t Care’” , Lehman says that the problem isn’t actually that the child is unmotivated, it is that the child is “motivated to resist, withdraw, and under-perform” instead of the alternative.  In essence, the child is motivated to do nothing, and he or she puts a lot of energy into doing just that: nothing.

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