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Filling Your Child’s “Love Tank” Much Cheaper and More Rewarding Than the Gas Station

Yesterday my older son gave me a drawing he lovingly created just for me.  Unfortunately, since the moment he chose to hand it to me was when I had just noticed my youngest son’s determination to lick his fingers that he had just stuck in the un-flushed toilet, I set down the drawing and darted to my younger son.  Moments later I had saved my youngest from E. coli (for now), but found my oldest in his room crying.  He told me that he felt like I didn’t love him because I just set his picture down without looking at it.  As a mother, this just crushes your heart, but I admit that I was a little taken aback as well.  I am not one who associates gifts with “love,” so I didn’t immediately understand the amount of emphasis he had put on his gift to me, or, in the words of Joline in an article about love languages on the blog Blissfully Domestic,, I was not being very “love-lingual” with my oldest son.

Gary Chapman, author and guru of the Love Language book series, assists us all with finding our own love language, and those of our loved ones.  In the book, “The Five Love Languages of Children”, he specifically focuses on parent-child relationships, and how to use your child’s love language to strengthen your emotional bond.  The five love languages are:

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation


Acts of Service

Physical Touch

In the article entitled “Communication in Your Child’s Love Language” on, author Wayne Parker elaborates on Chapman’s five love languages, and gives suggestions for parents who want to speak their child’s particular love language.  When you speak to your child in their love language, they feel loved, secure, and validated, which fills their “love tank.”

Just like learning styles and personality traits, your child may show a combination of love languages.  Also, as your child enters new developmental stages, his or her love languages may change.  But the love languages can seem like an abstract concept, and may be difficult for your child to vocalize.  So how do you identify your child’s love language?  By watching, listening, and paying attention to the things your child does, asks you to do, and their reactions to various circumstances.  Chapman suggests that you try all five languages and see which seems to work best for your child.

Another great way to help identify your child’s unique love language and get insight into your child’s personality is to take the Kidtelligent Assessment!  Go to Kidtelligent  to find out more.

Sarah is a guest mom writer for Kidtelligent. If you are interested in submitting an article to be shared on the Kidtelligent Blog and Facebook please email us at